Back On The Track

I was sick again in early February. Second strike after few weeks which was awful. Thank God it was over now though I am still coughing (a little bit). 

I keep thinking that the reason I was sick because of I am HIV positive. But the thing is according to doctor, by immune system is quite strong. So, I guess it is just time of the season where everyone get sick. Oh by the way, my recent CD4 count is 780, which is higher that four months ago. I could not be more happier and hope that the virus remains dormant for the next 50 years!!

I can't wait for winter to be over. Despite I quite enjoy the snow and the cold breeze, but I just have had it enough. I need more sunshine now. I hate the fact that I had to wrap up warm top to toe just to go out and buy a bottle of milk or doing my run. I am so excited to see snowdrops and cherry blossom starting to bloom!!

Weekend is officially over and I am back to work tomorrow. I hope it is going to be well. Last week was a total disaster because one of the colleague was away for annual leave. The patient was overbooked and lots of them have to wait longer to be seen than usual because of short staff (apparently, few consultants was also on annual leave!!). 

By the way, did anyone watch the new series Homeland on channel 4?? I must say that Damian Lewis was (and still is) so hot in those army uniform. I was drooling (literally) when it show a naked view of his back side!! He has such a nice bum!

My Patient Part 2

I loathe my patient(s) who always complaint about UK. Period. It's like nothing is ever good enough to them, except the benefit money (off course!). They keep on yip yapping like 'in my country they do this like this' or 'in my country they do that like that'.

So what?

Why bother coming to this country then if it not good enough to you? At least, regardless all the differences, we never choose our patient and we still provide you with care and not to mention it is all FREE and on taxpayer's money?? 

Shame on you!

My Patient

It's been half through January now. My life is basically the same from last year. I was sick last week with fever and awful tonsillitis. Now I am back on the track, busy with work and my preparation for Bath Half Marathon in March...after more than 2 weeks of hiatus.

Work busy as always. Especially when you have to clear the backlog from Christmas and New Year. So, you can imagine how busy the clinic will be post holiday. Some of the patient basically skipped their appointment so that they can do their Christmas shopping. How irresponsible!!

I had one Irish couple who had their first appointment with me. It is their second baby. When they came in to my room with their 2 years old son, I can't help but to have a flashback that I've seen their son before (and the husband). The husband mentioned that he has seen been me before but his not sure.

It turned out that we both met in the nearby gym (well I told them that I probably see them in the gym). He said that he normally from his boy for swimming in the gym. Ah no wonder. And it is not just that, the husband (which is quite good looking and have a nice beefy body)...I've seen him naked!! He has quite a well endowed dick!! It's HUGE!! A huge with meat dangling between his legs!

I really can't focus while I am doing my job. When I examined his wife's tummy, I kept looking at him at the corner of my eyes and imagine his big dick pounding hard my hungry arse.

I know I am not supposed to say this but, LUCKY BITCH!!

I haven't ride a big dick for quite sometime. Hmmmmmm.

The Difficult Confession

I finally told my BF about my condition. Yes I do have a long term partner despite my infidelities (which was allowed by him in our not-so-open-relationship). I took me quite sometimes to sit with him and discuss. I've been very cold towards him, refused to have any sexual contact, isolating myself and he wonder what's going home.

Until one day he text me to meet him up at our favourite local diner after work to discuss our future and relationship so to speak.

He asked me, what's going on?? What happened to us?

So, yeah. I told him everything. About my HIV status, about my situation and so on.

He was shocked and he never thought of it. Surprisingly, he still love me dearly. He said he want to go through it with me. He want to look after me and keep my spirit up.

He did a HIV test recently and it was negative. I am relieved with the result. It's like a huge stone has been lift up from my shoulder.

The other person who know my condition was one of my regular bareback fuck buddy and surprisingly he is negative!! I also told about my status to Steve and Chuck. They are like my family, so I don't see any point to hide this from them. Besides, both of the are really supportive.

My family?? I don't think so! Mind you, my family is a non-orthodox-but-quite-religious type. Besides, I don't want them to be worried about me. This is my problem and I will deal it. None of them should be burdened with it.

Initially, I decided to keep my status just for myself.The reason being was I hate to be judge by people. I know most of my friends are not that type of person, but I can help to feel judged by them (or anyone). I judge myself sometimes!

But then again at one point I know that I need to share it with someone or somebody (that I can trust!!). It helps me in a way, rather than to go through this all alone.

One Thing After Another..

It has been a while since my last update. Life is way too messy at the moment with never ending workload and coping with life. Ever since, I've been diagnosed with HIV, there are ups and downs in my life. There were the times I felt full of optimism. Sometimes, I just crumble.

Last weekend I did this 10km run in Clapham Common for charity called Starfish Charity Organization. This charity is to give support and hope to children with HIV in southern Africa. This time I managed to finished in 55 minutes. Much better than my last one in British 10k Run. Well, only one minute but hey it still an improvement.

I met this guy named Greg during the run. He keep looking at me while I'm doing the stretching. Then he came to words me and asking some question. He quite an attractive guy, for me at least. I always have a hot for a mature fit guy with salt and pepper hair. He is fast runner not to mention!! Unfortunately, he didn't ask my number but we did kiss before we left.

Trying to put my disappointment aside, I made an appointment to meet with this mature guy, David after the run. Besides, he live not far from that area.

David at his 50's still looking oh-so-gorgeous. A father of 2, divorced and recently had a granddaughter. Fit guy with salt and pepper hair. This guy really turn me on big time!! He live in a nice house with the nice view of the Thames. This guy can fuck like a porn star. Upside down and all around. He even fuck me at the balcony facing the Thames!! Did I mentioned on the dining table?? LOL.

It was all fun and hot until he called me today to let me know that a guy that he had slept with few weeks back had a chlamydia. Damn it!! He still don't know his status, not until next week and he urged me to do the test. Silly bugger. 

Actually, I had my test last week and waiting for the result at the moment. So, I'm not sure whether I need a re-test or not, which made me to order the test kit from online pharmacy so that I can had a test myself.

I don't know why this series of unfortunate event keep happening to me. Not that I am not being careful. It is all safe sex all the way. I hope I am clean. And I hope David clean too because I can't wait to ride his dick again!!

Cheers!!!

A Week After...

It has been a week now since I found out that I am positive. 

I just came back from an appointment to see one the health advisor at Dean Street Clinic in Soho. So far, everything is good. The viral load is less than 20,000. So, they are not going to start any treatment on me because the viral load considered as low. Apparently the virus is at it dormant phase or inactive. The health advisor said that I am probably had the infection for quite sometime (probably more that a year), which explain why viral load is low.

I am quite please with the result anyway. The fact that I don't need to start the treatment immediately, I was quite relieved anyway. Because, at this point, it is bad enough that I keep saying to myself everytime I woke up every morning that today is another day for me as a HIV positive person, I don't need a pill to keep reminding me that!

I'm off to Munich tomorrow for a holiday. It is actually a holiday at the wrong time and I am not in the mood for holiday anyway due to recent circumstances. But, since I have paid for the flight tickets and everything already, I decided to go anyway. Besides, it is better go off somewhere and do something rather than just laying in bed whole day and doing nothing.

Ok, now...where's my passport??!!!!

The Taboo and People Perception

I finally have one follower. Hip hip hooraaaayyyy!!! Thanks Takashi for being my first ever follower. Well, it is a good start I guess?? I've only been blogging for what?? 4 days??

Anyway, thanks for your comment on my previous post. It is true indeed. To think that how fortunate I am compare to some people who have terminal ill disease like non-Hodgkin lymphoma or other cancer with 50-50 chances to live more than 3 months, I have to consider myself as lucky (well not entirely!) compare to them.

I think what bother me the most is the people perception and acceptance towards HIV positive patient. Most people will go ohhh and ahhhh and oh-poor-you-little-angel if you told them that you are having cancer or congenital disease. But, if you told them that you are HIV positive, they probably will think that you deserve it because you were living an unhealthy life or you did what God forbid you to do and that is your punishment sort of thought.

I am lucky that I am living and working in UK, where people over here are more open and welcoming towards HIV positive than some other part of this world. People over here don't really bother if you are HIV positive. In fact, you can still live normally and do your job as usual without being isolated from people surrounding you.

In some country, it is a taboo to discuss openly about your HIV status. For example, in some part of Africa, if people found out that you are HIV positive, you and your family will probably end up been burned alive by the villagers because they afraid that you might give them the infection but at the same time they fucking around with the sex workers (unprotected) like nobody business. In Malaysia, if people found out that you are HIV positive, you probably will be isolated, been left out from the society and that is it. Your life will be over. No one will hire you to work with them. People will stop talking to you. Why?? Because they afraid that they might get infected!

Oh ya, Happy 54th Independence Day Malaysia!!!